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07/08/2018 - A Toni. Knowing that i won’t ever be ... +++ 07/07/2016 - First print edition is out tomorrow Friday 8th of July !! +++ 19/05/2016 - special thanx for the perfect day in paradise to George Solar, Rico from Blue Bar and Daniele from Tipic ! +++ 31/03/2016 - spring is here and the island finally wakes up – again ! +++ 03/12/2015 - only when the power of love overcomes the love of power will we live in peace . +++ 08/09/2015 - oh yeah oh yeah – summer is soon over ! +++ 16/04/2015 - oh yeah oh yeah, summer is around the corner ! +++ 31/12/2014 - HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015 TO ALL OF YOU !!! +++ 10/12/2014 - finally winter arrived in ibiza, time for chimney and a smoke ;-) +++ 10/04/2014 - our very own event ‘local heroes’ will be holding 6 special events with carl cox’ music is revolution at space this season ! +++

17.08.2014 // Text: william de worde // Pix: phrank


Smart Guide to Ibiza

So you left your former life behind, family, friends, loved ones and decided to try finding the Holy Grail.

(or you brought them with you which can be a lot worse – but let me refer to this later)…

Let’s presume you are really good at something (otherwise you will not make it anyway), may it be a craft, an art or any profession related to what is going on here on this island. And let’s exclude all the wannabe’s (great words in the last edition, Lenny!), traitors, thiefs, pretenders or whatever other dark creatures run around making life difficult for those on the quest for happiness.

First of all it is essential that you live here the whole year round, not just the season, as most of the pleasure seekers come here for a few months during the season trying to suck as much money as possible out of others without caring about the greater picture. Only in the off season you will be confronted with your inner self, watching the mirror in your most intimate moment and honestly smiling at yourself (pretending never works with yourself as you hopefully already know) is of the most difficult because it implies that you are happy with who you are and what you do in the widest sense.

After you have lived a whole season you will quickly realize if all goes well or if, for many strange reasons, things do not seem to fall in place. This is due to the island’s very own energy, and if things go wrong I strongly advise you to think it over again as I have seen many people trying hard to overcome those numerous signs that it does not work out and most of them fail deplorable, ending with not even the money for a flight back home. In the majority of the cases it is people who are not really sure if they want to stay here or not, and believe me, if you want to make it you have to be 110% sure, if not it is simply not worth the effort.

You don’t need a lot to feel irresistible…

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So now that we have overcome the first obstacles it is time to get into the groove. Most of you come from a country where life is going in regular circles, me I come from northern Europe where everything is very structured, time is a reliable factor and you can take people’s word (almost) for granted. I was used to get things done in a certain, orderly way. How ignorant I was thinking that it would be the same down here… The more you try to impress your rhythm to what is going on around you the more desperate you become because nothing works out the way you thought. In fact, the harder you try the harder it hits you back. All of a sudden dear ‘Murphy’ is your best mate and it seems that his famous law is only applied to you and only you – ‘if anything can go wrong it will’ (see the editorial on our homepage here)… Generally spoken this island has its very own speed, well calling it speed would be a great exaggeration as things down here take a while – a looong while, and you better get used to it. One easy exercise to see how being in a rush makes things go wrong is this one: Let’s say you drive from Sta. Eulalia to Ibiza town, if you push the pedal you will find a truck or really old ibiçencan driver in front of you – even worse a family tourist looking for the right way – then red lights flash everywhere and traffic gets stuck where it never happened before, and instead of saving time it takes you an eternity to get there. Now try the same drive while slowing down, taking things easy and you will see that the lights turn green, the expected traffic jam has vanished miraculously and you arrive earlier than you could have imagined and on top totally relaxed. Does that ring a bell?

This lesson is to apply to all your activities, do not try to make things go your way, better go with the flow, it will save you from a future heart attack, give you the confidence you always wanted to have as things start falling into place, and it will generally make life possible for you in Ibiza.

So now that we got the three most important requirements sorted out, qualification, confidence and rhythm let’s get to the many other obstacles that can make or take your days. As you might have realized there are very few overweight people living in Ibiza, and 99% of them are like they are due to a malfunction, not excessive eating. If you do not belong to this group of people then you have to take special care of your alimentation, we have incredible restaurants and life could be very easy if you are born a millionaire, but for most of us having to work for a living we simply do not have the money or time to go for dinner several times a week, in fact we hardly have time to sit down anywhere to have some decent food. If this sounds familiar to you then be warned, the less you eat the less hungry you become, until the point that you have to remember to eat in order to not suffer of malnutrition. It is essential that you eat well, no pre-cooked food or anything coming out of a microwave. Not the amount is decisive, it is the quality of food that marks the difference. What works best is a fresh smoothie in the morning, fruity or creamy is up to you, but fresh. Then something for in between, eating little but many times over the day is the healthiest anyway. No matter if you are vegetarian, meater or fisher, once a day you should try to eat a meal and take your time. As we know today a healthy mix of all kinds of food is the best for you, your body knows what is good for you anyway, you just have to listen consciously.

You think that’s funny? Have a look around, you can easily detect those ones around end of August, skinny to the bone, greyish color and dark rings under their eyes, and this is not originated by sole partying.

Sleep is another serious issue, when temperatures rise above 30˚ even at night you will find yourself in trouble resting, and the non-existing routine of work hours does the rest, me I work 10 to 16 hours a day, sometimes in the earliest morning hours, sometimes during the day and sometimes at night, resulting in a completely messed up sleeping rhythm. The real challenge starts when you feel you should sleep but there is simply no time for it, this is the moment you tap into your emergency reserves, they normally are allocated for serious moments of danger, but here you will need them at any time. It is not funny having to work when others are on holiday, especially when friends stay at your house partying several days to then sleep for another few… When they then start looking at you telling you to join them and you refuse causing that certain serious expression on their face asking you if you are getting old – that is the moment you wish to beam them on another planet to leave you alone in your mission (im)possible.

Deborah in Paradise…

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Anything left? Yes, I mentioned it in the beginning, relationships… Each and every couple I met that came here together did split up after a while as living together is very different down here. You will not have a regular life, no regular time-off together with your partner, first because there is no regularity here, second it is almost certain that, if you both have to work, your working hours will almost never match. Even if you meet the love of your life in Ibiza do not take anything for granted, this island holds so many unpredictable obstacles and personal challenges in their widest sense(s). And it is with great sadness that I have to say when things get rough, especially in the high season, endless discussions about jealousy, integrity and loyalty spread like an infectious disease, destroying even the most bulletproof relationship ripping apart love, desire and sex. Please listen to my words, do not start arguing in the eye of the storm that is the high season, detain your concerns until the pressure goes down and temperatures return to normal and you will see them vanish like ice cubes in the sun.

You see, living in Ibiza is as easy as people say, we are on a never ending holiday, touching our balls 24/7 while spending money that falls from trees with both hands having multiple partners celebrating wild orgies enjoying our divine existence while our spirits are on their way to eternity.

Ok, seriously, if all the above mentioned does not scare you there is a great chance you will make it, as the reward for all the hazzle is to meet the most outstanding characters you never even dared to think they could exist, on an island that is still of the most beautiful you will find, living a dream most do not even dare to challenge.

Live your dream, don’t dream your life.

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hofer66

you better be good.

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